A new dress!

Thanks to the generous nature of my friends and family Toria gets to wear a "new" dress often.  This one is a particular favourite because the onsie is attached to the dress.  I think she feels more comfortable with a onsie covering her up.  I'm just guessing...

This is a pose she seems to strike often.  It's as if she sees the camera and goes to work.

She's growing.  So fast!  I can't believe how quickly she's moving into the clothes I set aside, just weeks ago, as "too big".  I've organised her closet from left to right, small to large clothes.  She's moving her way across way to quickly for my liking.

It's almost time to move her into her nursery.  Right now her crib is beside my bed.  I'm not... I mean... she's not quite ready yet.  Why rush these things.

We miss my parents.  The other day we skyped with them for over an hour.  I moved the laptop around so they could join me while I rocked Toria before bed.  I then plopped them in the crib and tilted the camera up so they could see her pretty new mobile.  I then tilted the camera down so they could watch her as she drifted off to sleep.  I then took them with me into the nursery to show them the little stuff that's changed since they were here.  It was nice.  Course I realised later I hadn't really given them a choice... I just carried them around with me as I went about my evening.  I love skype in combination with my laptop.  I'll be more pleased when they make their way back here in October.

Your world or mine?

Something changes when you become a parent. Well lets face it, everything changes but what I mean is, something changed in me tonight as I cradled a tired little Toria in my arms before setting her gently in her crib. I felt as if I owned the world or rather I suddenly felt weighed down with responsibility for the state of the world. My sense of self shifted from living within this world of ours to building this world of ours. I'm no longer looking out for and dodging landmines I'm now challenged with finding and removing them. Knowing this is an impossible task, I feel a bit at a loss... like I've let her down already. I felt the same way last night when I caught the BBC world news. This is the down side to what I was feeling in my post from Oct 12 '09 "Expecting the much anticipated expected". Back then I wrote "I love, day to day, differently then I did. Just a subtle and slight difference. Just a little more fully. I love just a little more fully." I guess what I'm trying to explain (on a lot less sleep)... I love, day to day, differently then I did. It's so much more full which in turn makes it worrisome.

My sweet Toria, you're growing so fast.  Today you're two months, two weeks and 1 day old.  You're doing more and more every day.  You're now able to grab things and coo at me.  You're such a good baby.  Yesterday you spent your first day at Lac Philippe beach.  We had a nap together under the big white pines.  You smiled with delight while you slept.  There are no words to really explain how much you mean to your father and I.

 

Laura's flower

She was loved so and she so loved. It's hard to say goodbye. I used to visit her every Wednesday. I wish I'd kept up with my visits. I wish I wish I wish. I remember staying with her when I was young... I must have been nine? She offered me coffee with breakfast. I smiled at her figuring she was joking. She wasn't. She treated me like an adult. I liked that about her. She made you feel special and with that I now realise how special she was. I remember playing with a doll she kept in a hat box in the cupboard of her guest room. Many of us have played with that doll over the years. I've continued the tradition and found an identical box for my guest room cupboard. Mom dug out a smocked baby dress from the cedar chest while she was here. I wonder if it came from her. As I learnt today at her funeral it might well have. It's hard to say goodbye to someone who loved you so and whom you so loved.

Such good friends

This arrived in the mail a few days ago. It's a fabulous stool. The letters fit in like a puzzle. It arrived without any indication of who had been so kind. I had a hunch is was the Stanfords. How did I get so lucky to find such good friends?

Babyclub!

On Wednesdays my babyclub gathers to relax and chat about whatever we feel like chatting about. As new moms... we tend to talk about all the stuff that goes along with having and raising babies. It's a time I look forward to every week. Yesterday we took a second photo of all the babes together. Toria was the first to strike a pose. Soon the rest followed.

To her left is Hayden and to her right is Ivy. As you can see she quite likes her little friends... either that or she's practicing her rock star poses.

Here they all are. Max (born the same day as Toria but a week late as to her three weeks early), Christopher (who arrived most recently... two weeks and two days old), Ivy (her only girlfriend in the group), Toria herself, and Hayden (nicely filling out the suit he came home from the hospital in). The group formed when my good friend Nicole and I found we were due two weeks apart. We took prenatal yoga together and ran into Diane, Nicole's neighbour, discovering she was due the week in between us. All winter they hadn't noticed each other was pregnant due to winter coats. I then invited Jodi to join us after meeting her in GD and prenatal class. And... the group was formed... since then Jodi has invited three of her friends... making us a group of seven. We're still waiting for our seventh baby.

Two months old! Birthday spent at the beach.

My sweet love is two months old, has started smiling for us and is growing leaps and bounds. For her first trip to the beach I needed a few comfort items. I was feeling a little nervous about bringing such a young baby to a beach so far from the comforts of home. I found this SPF 50 sun suit, a heavy duty sport sun umbrella and a bug bouncette. Apart from the bouncette my trepidation allowed me to throw my budget sense out the window. We took turns enjoying the water. Max had been introduced to the beach and waves at Christmas time in Florida... so this was old hat for him and he loved it. But I learnt a lesson I'd rather not have had to. It is important to walk your dog off the beach and out of the water for as long as it takes for him to poop BEFORE you take him in the water... cause he WILL embarrass you by squatting and pooping right there in the water. : S

Here is the bug tent for Toria. It gave me peace of mind. She slept alot of the day, probably thanks to the fresh air, and it was great knowing she was cool and safe from any bugs. I love this chair. It's made by Eddie Bauer. It's the only one of its kind on the marker that I've seen so I don't know why Babies R Us have discontinued it. However... I'm not complaining because it allowed me to practically steal it from them for $35 down from $100.

She seems to love it.

Here is the super strong sport umbrella. It also made all the difference for our comfort level. The $80 price tag was silly but I know I'll get a lot of use out of it.

Max enjoying play time on the beach while mom, dad and Toria hang out in the shade.

Love love love... and thanks Kerri for the lovely sun hat.

Toria's favorite spot for a nap. We won't tell her but it's mine too. I try not to indulge it too often so she'll keep her good sleep habits. But there's nothing like a sleeping baby nuzzled into you.

Heaven

After being big and pregnant all winter this felt as it literally was... a breath of fresh air.

Dinner time back at the site.

Yes you are seeing two steaks per person. It was a long beautiful day... why not?

This is a big change from our usual trek to the woods. Normally the car would be a good 16km away for the first nights dinner and who knows how far after that. I know people who have continued back country camping with their new babies... and perhaps if I have future children I too will be so brave. For now, on her first camping trip, I'm much happier with the ability to bring whatever I want and have it at a hands length from me at any point. As it was I felt full from such a lovely day and opted to pack it in and come home.

A beautiful day at a beautiful cottage

We're in the middle of a heat wave in Ottawa. It sometimes feels like 44C. Not pleasant. No Pleasant unless you're invited to a cottage with a beautiful breeze and a lake to jump into. My good friend Laura turned 37 and invited three of her friends and their families to join her at the lake. My how time flies. Each of these ladies has two children. They range in age from 2 1/2 to 7. They were fun to watch and all got along so well. It filled my heart with excited anticipation for Toria's years to come.

Glen stoked up the smoker and served up pull pork sandwiches. They were sooo good. He's certainly mastered this hobby of his and we thank him for it.

While everyone hung out in the lake or on the dock, I fed Toria up on the deck. While she nuzzled into me we watched a momma bird feeding her young who were tucked into this styling bird house.

Toria had a beautiful cottage room to nap in. I lay here with her for a bit and we stared up through the sky lights. We gazed through to a beautiful blue sky framed by the branches and green leaves of the threes around the cottage. We could have stayed here for ever. One day...

Hush little baby

We have a 6 foot folding table in the great room. It's Torias table. Under it is her car seat, a big basket of blankets, a stash of diapers and wipes and a diaper bag. On it is a change/sleeping pad, a small basket with diaper change supplies, another basket with onsies for day and sleepers for night, toys, kleenex and nursing pads. It adds a little chaos to the room... well... it along with the other new changes adds a little more then a little chaos to the room. But we wouldn't have it any other way. We're so excited she's here and thriving.

Our set up allows us to keep an eye on her while she naps. Going... going...

Going... going...

Gone. Sweet dreams my love. Lately known as puddles.

Canada Day!

We strayed from our usual plans and stayed home away from the crowds. It was a beautiful day that threatened to cloud over but didn't. We had one of our favourite families over for dinner followed by fireworks in the park.

My favourite thing about Canada Day this year was two fold... my parents were in town to share it with and my father hung our flag using a hockey stick. How appropriate!

Thoughts on parenting

I love that my husband noticed this posted in the basement of our church. As new parents we want so strongly to do everything we can to help Toria live her best life. I think if we use as many of these as often as we can... we just might find ourselves on track.

Time to have a baby!

The last picture of me before life changed... for the better of course. Tuesday May 18th was a difficult day for me. I was at work and unusually tired. Really very very tired. I managed the day but not very productively. I went straight to bed when I got home and think I was asleep before I hit the pillow. An hour later I woke to my water breaking. I was at a loss. In a sleepy daze I called Jay to see how far from home he was. I then called the hospital and had to admit to not remembering a single tidbit of information learnt in the prenatal class the previous Saturday. Not a single thing. They advised I make my own way in and have Jay meet me there. With the help of Glen, still in OPP uniform I was at the hospital in comfortable time.

Kiwee was still breach and in fact had broken the water with her foot. She had a little note attached to her big toe. It said "Prep the O.R. it's time." At 8:49 we met our Toria Day MacLaurin. She was 6lbs 1oz and as sweet as sweet could be. She quieted to our voices telling her she was ok. After 4 nights in hospital we came home and got settled. We've felt great since and have made it out of the house every day. She gained weight and at 5 weeks weighed 7lbs 14.5oz.

Love love love love love!

Here she is!

With a hand in her mouth she flutters around looking as cute as can be.

Swoony

Swoony: A partial or total loss of consciousness. A state of bewilderment or Ecstasy.

Rapture: An expression or manifestation of ecstasy or passion. A state or experience of being carried away by overwhelming emotion. A mystical experience in which the spirit is exalted to a knowledge of divine things.

When enquiring with a dear friend if she had book three and four for lending she replied... "welcome to the cougar club." ... Thanks I said.

Getting there!

You're making your way to us and it appears you're doing just fine. You have a hand tucked behind your head demonstrating how easy it's been so far. Keep up the good work but know you have a long way to come baby! We've got our fingers crossed and are saying our prayers.

Autumn 2009

Here we are with young Max who is now two years old. He's a busy little guy who can't get enough of exploring the outdoors. Even for a split second to pose for a picture his attention is drawn to where he plans to go next.

Out of the past

Out of nowhere a good friend of mine sent a photo to Kerri and I. She'd taken it sometime ago but not developed it until now. I'm glad she did. I love this photo. Not just cause we look skinny and good but because it reminds me of younger happy days. This is Kerri and I when we were young and single. With her third child due in January and my first 13 weeks along... life is so different now. Not in a bad way, just... in a different way.

My exciting purchase

Each Saturday this summer I headed out with friends searching for great deals. We'd spend a few hours in the morning driving and searching through yard sales in our neighbourhood. I hadn't expected to run into the perfect solution for the indented wall off the kitchen. But there it was. And it was ten bucks!

It's added that little extra bit of space to the kitchen. It's ideal and looks great. Did I mention I paid $10 bucks for it!

My loving parents

Lots of people live far from their loved ones. It's not easy. Especially when they have a hard year. You want to be there for them and look after them. Work, life and eight or so hours of travel keep you away except for maybe twice a year, sometimes only once.

I wish I was there mom. If only in time to help you back into your skates. I wish I was there. Good choice in colour by the way. : ) I love you!

And there you are

I woke that morning, from the wrong side of the bed. I wondered to myself several times why I was feeling the way I was. Twice I stopped, took a breath and intentionally changed my thought pattern to try and improve how I was feeling. It wasn't until 9:05 that I realised it was a mild case of unconscious anxiety I'd come down with that morning. 9:05 was the moment my condition lifted. It was the moment I heard what I didn't even realise I feared not hearing... your heart beat.

Expecting the much anticipated expected

You're no longer just a thought, a wish, a hope for. Unyet you're not exactly a tangible yet either. You're in between, making your way to us. It's been two weeks that we've known of you Kiwee. Known of you, talked about you, thought about you, giggled about you, prayed for you. You've put an extra step in our walk and we thank you for it.

My heartbeat has quickened and my body is working hard to produce the extra blood to catch up with it. I feel heavier even though you alone have added no weight. I've slowed to a walk but am more diligent on getting it in. I love, day to day, differently then I did. Just a subtle and slight difference. Just a little more fully. I love just a little more fully.

An update blog

He did it! At the old house I had stored the canoe hanging from the ceiling of the garage. Today Jay rigged our new house for the same and voila... room to move around in the garage. Thanks Jay.

Now for my part. This Saturday I'll be having a garage sale to get rid of a bunch of stuff we no longer use. I had promised him I'd do this within a few weeks of moving in. It's been just shy of three months so it's certainly time. If anyone has anything they want to sell... come on over.

It was a lovely long weekend Monday. While he hung the boat I planted myself on the front lawn and pulled weeds. It's a tedious job and my right hand has the cramps to prove it. But I wouldn't reverse the ban on lawn care chemicals for anything. I'd rather spend the time pulling those weeds then have the carcinogen related death toll continue off the radar. It sounds noble but I have to admit I was a little disappointed when Jay checked and found, no, we could not cross over into Quebec and buy some. But then I came to my senses. They're banned for a reason and I support the decision... even if my hand hurts! A lot!

An update blog

We had a lovely morning. It's always a lovely morning when we're out for breakfast. Even better if we score the company of people we like to see. Jay did some multitasking and got in a work out while waiting for the order to come. We then headed to Home Depot and on to IKEA to scout out ideas for the addition to the kitchen. I know what you're thinking... they just bought a new house with a beautiful new kitchen. Just wait and see what we're planning. It should be wonderful if we can pull it together. The dollars that is!

Yesterday makes two successful Saturday's in a row... at yard sale'ing. A hobby that came about last summer when I joined Angela and Kristi on their early morning runs through the neighbourhood. It's kinda fun. Last sat I found two solid wood, round end tables which I'm hoping will be beautiful as night side tables once they're lacquered in antique white. For $8 I was kinda tickled. Yesterday I found four loungers for the front porch. I'd been looking at benches but for $10 for all four chairs, I feel very comfortably held over until I find them.

The morning was wrapped up by 11 and we headed out to see if we could find our neighbours at the Glengarry Highland games. We didn't, but we sure had a beautiful day trying. We stuck to our usual routine. Opening Mass bands and noon followed by grade 2 and grade 1 bands and then off for some more mass bands in the closing ceremony. Very tame.

Happy long weekend! Here's hoping our friends are having a fantastic time at Ol'Forge in NY.

A writer's blog

And then, I had a delightful thought. I acted on it. I popped the blueberry into the hole of the raspberry. I took in the wonder of the colours for just a moment before eating. I think of all those many years ago when I was maybe six and I had done the same thing. I was out under the sun with my bare feet on soft green grass. Open air. I had been told I'd made a mess with the berries, and a cloth was gently, lovingly run over my face. Today I steal this moment between pressing tasks, with my feet in pretty sandals under my desk. I can recall the moment, so many years ago. I can bring it to me. Right here in my tiny, four, clothed beige walls. The taste alone didn't do it. Not until one berry was placed inside the other. It all came back.

The spending challenge... no spending

I came across this story, just before shutting my laptop down and getting on with my day. For some reason I kept recalling it and mulling it over. Could I contain myself for a whole year and spend only what is necessary on food and basics?

http://www.cbc.ca/video/popup_nlp.html?http://www.cbc.ca/mrl3/8752/news/features/dunn-nospend-081226.wmv

Could I? I'm certainly intrigued as I consider it. It raises a tricky question for me. What does money and spending mean to me? As I contemplate the answer I then wonder... have I really fallen into the cliche where I've somehow tied money to feelings of self worth? I've used a mantra for a while now relating to money and not spending what I don't have. Since starting with it I have a new washer and dryer, a new house and just last week a new snow blower. This week... a new crock pot. The more I think about it the less I feel intrigued and instead feel fearfully compelled to take this challenge on. I have nothing to lose and lot to gain by such an adventure. (this is me talking myself into it)

But am I up for it? I want to be. I want to be rid of the pangs of disappointment I feel with myself as I consume. (the consumption tax) I don't want to be a "consumer". I wanna be real about this challenge and so I think I'll consider it a 6 month challenge. I take some relief in knowing I have a whopping $400 plus in gift certificates in my wallet.

As my ever supportive and enthusiastic husband and I discuss the rules of how this will play out I'm unwittingly trying to figure out if there is anything I need before I start. I may not feel up to the challenge but I definitely need it!

A lesson from Weatherwood

Six months till moving day. Six long months.

Sometimes I indulge and let the excitement of our first home creep to the front of my thoughts and take over. I play with colours and furniture arrangements. I lay out my garden and think about landscaping. Other times I push the thoughts and excitement away thinking I'll surely be exhausted by it all by the time we step into it.

I'll obviously miss Weatherwood. The trees, space and privacy are charming. The memories here are long-standing, 22 years to be exact. I've grown up here and found what was short in my life previously, roots. Moving every two to three years as a kid was fine with me until I found what had been missing... home. Weatherwood was home. Course I didn't know it at the time. In all the years I've been here it's kinda been temporary. Oddly enough in the months to come I'll be nesting and improving things in order to show and sell it.

If I had it all to do over again I would nest from the start. My evanescence at Weatherwood is regrettable but will be a valuable lesson for the future.