First tummy bug

My sweet love, you're breaking our hearts.  You are quiet and want to be held.  Your wee body is sore and warm.  It's June and you've just moved into your big girl bed.  Grandma and Grandpa Phillips are visiting and you finally have your new baby sister.  But here you are, curled in bed sleeping, trying to escape a nasty bug.

Little Hands

I love to watch you Brooke Ella.  You are focused on developing your hand eye coordination and focused you are!  Anything that passes by your face is immediately caught by your keen eagle eyes and then reached for by those two bobbly fingered "things" on the end of your arms.  You haven't quite figured them out but at this rate I give you another few days, and you'll have mastered them.  Currently you seem astonished when they pull your sousie from you and dangle it over your face while you chirp with mouth open for it's return.
After kicking your father out of our room you are starting to return to good sleeping habits.  Not from any failings on his part... I was jumping to your every sniff and snort in order to allow him to get a full sleep.  This of course does not help you continue to self sooth for a full nights sleep yourself, something you did from day one.  The effects on mommy are even worse.  With him gone and you left to figure your needs out beyond a one am feeding, you're getting much better sleep and reassuring yourself that you're OK.  And you are sweet pea.  You're doing great!

Mornings with Brooke Ella

My sweet pea Brooke Ella, our mornings together are what dreams are made of.  You sleep in your crib  next to my bed.  In the morning when you wake me around 4 or 5 I cradle you into my bed next to me and nurse you back to sleep.  We do this three or four times over the next few hours until you can sleep no more.  You then flutter and kick next to me until I'm awake and we start our Mother E's songs.  You gaze into my eyes once they're open and with what seems great effort, you coo.  Your head nods up as you coo in my direction, as if to ensure it makes it to my ears specifically.  You then wait for my response which is a similar sound followed by a finger brushing your cheek.  You smile such a sweet smile of satisfaction with this before you do it again.  My sweet love, I would do this forever if time would let me.

How could it be that you're here?

How could it be?  How could it be that you've been here for 6 weeks already?  You've grown from your tiny 7lb 6oz newborn state into a little babe who can almost hold her head up on her own.  And how could it be that my heart has every bit as much room for you as it does for your sister.  I love you Brooke Ella, more than I could ever hope to convey to you through my words and care.

You have a sister who will always be just two years and two weeks older then you.  And she already loves you.  I can tell by the way she says "Alo Baby Brooke!" every time she greats you in the morning and evening.  She follows this up with alo alo alo while shaking her face back and forth just above yours.  She'll also caringly come and tell me if you're crying.  And she'll point towards you eagerly needing me to come and help you.

You simply couldn't be more loved then you are.  It's as simple as that.

32 weeks

My sweet loves I've been wanting to write to you for some time now.  I've been imagining holding you both in my arms at the same time.  My days are growing more and more challenging as we get closer and closer to being a family of four.  Papa has been taking on more and more of our day to day "work".  But the other night Figs and I crawled out of bed and made our way to you Toria.  You were crying in your crib and resisting sleep.  Your cries brake my heart.  I lifted you out of your crib, my soon to be two year old, and I cradled you with your head on my shoulder while we rocked in your chair.  As you drifted off to sleep I worried the kicks you were getting from your baby sister would be strong enough to wake you.  But I couldn't move.  I was too in love with our moment together.  Blanketed by one, pushed and prodded by the other.  Three of us together, rocking in one chair.

Oh Canada

This image takes me back.  Way back.  Way back to Elk Island National Park.  To memories of getting to play with my big brother.  Something he'd entertain on camping trips because his little sister was the only one around to play with.  Without wanting to sound corny... these were some of the best memories of my childhood.  And it was so simple... provide the setting, leave them be and they will learn. 

I had access to a lot of this as a child.  And it's likely the reason I allowed myself to over extend financially in the purchase of a trailer.  My fingers are crossed that Figs will be as easy going a wee one as Toria was, allowing us to do some camping this summer.  I just wish the diversity this country has to offer was at our finger tips they way Ontario's wonders are.  A recent change in my employers "flex" work policies has potentially opened up room for some longer summer vacation periods allowing us to venture further east or west.  Oh Canada... I love you so!

Who you are

How much of our lives can we choose... and how much is just who we are?

Who I am?  I'm one big long string of questions followed up with pensive thought.  My life these days has made my curiosities more interesting however left me no time to really work through any thoughts on anything.  And this condition called pregnancy truly does pull not just from your physical body but from your brain functioning.  It's very apparent to me it's not a myth.  Having a wee bit of recovery time between Kiwi and Figs however, I know for sure my ability to function with a full repertoire of words and the ability to string them in conversation will return.